August 27

So, I’m super nervous.

Up until now, the idea of me studying abroad, spending such a substantial amount of time in such a foreign place has been almost completely abstract. Step 1, major in International Studies, step two finish the first two years at Miami, step 3 study abroad, step four be magically changed by this experience, step five finish undergrad …. I never realized how little I thought about the process of actually making this journey, most likely so as not to dwell on whatever aspect has caused me lay awake with my teeth clenched ever night for the past week or so.

At the moment I’m fixated on packing. How much do I need to bring? What is really essential? What am I going to regret not bringing the moment I arrive? Will I actually use that? How the hell am I going to get that huge pile into that tiny bag? I’m sure as soon as I get on to the plane, the majority of my fears will disappear, largely because I will no longer be able to do anything about it. But in the mean time I’m stressing about how many notebooks and razor blades and batteries to stuff into my suitcase.

I also feel pretty strapped for time. Leave it to me to have to do everything last minute, why I’m surprised I don’t know. After a nice long stay outside the BWCA where we have traditionally had no internet or cell phone reception, I came home to sheer craziness. We’re in the process of closing on our house in IL, our family stretched across the three state divide, trying to wrap things up. My days are filled with working, usually, both of my jobs, leaving me sleepy when I get home, where I pass out on half-written emails. With my sister preparing to move into her school apartment next week, it is simply a hectic time in my life, no doubt adding to my subconscious worries about packing and remembering everything.

But enough whining and complaining. We’ll be leaving soon!! By Saturday afternoon I’ll be on my way to Chicago, packed for India, ready to pack up my old room. Tuesday I fly out of ORD with one other member of the trip and by midnight we’ll have meet up with the rest of our group in San Francisco so we can get on our fourteen+ hour flight to Hong Kong! At that point I’ll be literally flying into the unknown, beginning an experience that will, hopefully, change me.

I thought it would be helpful to put some of my expectations, etc., out there so I can see how everything stacks up come December. First and foremost I expect to notice a change in my person on a fairly fundamental level. I will go into why I chose this experience another time, but suffice it to say that I am relying on this trip to start solidifying the foundation of my career aspirations. Spiritually, I am excited to see Buddhism being practiced up close; having studied various traditions, it will be very enlightening (forgive the pun) to gain a greater understanding of this beautiful tradition. I look forward to some kind of shift in my own personal beliefs; hopefully my relationship with God will be deepened and strengthened by the environment, the people, and the different culture. I expect to learn from the moment I open my eyes until I fall asleep every night. I want to come out of this semester with a better understanding of the world, even if it makes me feel smaller.

I would like many of my beliefs to be confirmed: I believe that all people are fundamentally decent, caring, responsible creatures searching for love, stability and peace in their personal life. I think that the UN was onto something when they crafted the list of things that every person has a right to: food, shelter, clean air, clean water, the right to express their opinions. While the majority of the people on this planet lack some if not most of these basic rights, I have a sneaking suspicion that if you exam the life of any individual, you will find that whatever culture they’re from, whatever customs they have, they are fundamentally striving for the same thing.

It is my dearest desire to test my little thoughts against reality. We’ll just have to see how I do.